How to Start a Political Fight on Thanksgiving

Tips: accuse loved ones of race-based voting; drink as much as possible

Months spent on the Politix comment threads should have you in mid-season form to win any political fight that crops up over Thanksgiving dinner. But why leave things to chance? Just follow these simple steps to ensure a horrendous politics-themed shouting match with your loved ones.

1. Start something. Sarcastic references to touchy subjects should kick things off nicely. "I'm thankful for all that free stuff Obama gave me," recommends Slate's John Cook. Or how about wishing your relatives a "Happy Native American Genocide Day," which is guaranteed offend almost everybody.

2. Pivot to the worst topic in the world. Cook suggests Israel, "particularly if you are Jewish or are married to a Jew," or the Clinton impeachment, "a gold mine of long-repressed rage and conflict."

There's also much to be said for accusing your relatives of racism, or reverse racism, for their 2012 presidential vote.

3. Hurl down your silverware and wordlessly quit the table. Ideally you should walk dramatically away over a mortal offense - and not, for instance, a joke about Joe Biden.

4. Drink as much as possible.

Via John Cook at Slate, with additional bad advice from PolitixMary.

What political topic would guarantee a fight at your family's Thanksgiving?

[Fishbone345]

My family, thankfully, avoids talking about Politics. We talk about much safer topics like Sports and Religion.

[PoliticalSpice]

What is offensive about calling it Native American Genocide Day, I thought that was what we were celebrating...serioysly, this article is funny, good picture also. Gave me a chuckle. Yea, Isreal, always a crowd pleaser!

[WilliamWallace]

Looks like politix has hit an all time low. How the hell is this even a story. Come on if you can't find anything better than this just bring old stuff back up. Oh wait that is what you already do.

[PoliticalSpice]

Ahh come on, didn't it make you chuckle?

[PNWest]

I shouldn't have read this an hour before we are heading out.....

[MongoAPillager]

Nuke The Whales

[jessejaymes]

This is why they are all piling into my house at the moment. Everyone brings something and nobody gets seniority above me. My house, my rules. No politics, no religion, no bragging about how much more money you make than a sibling. There might be a few complaints about how long the Turkey is taking to cook but that is only from me. And STOP COMPLAINING is always the response.

[jessejaymes]

Prior to my setting down rules things used to go like.........

"So you still working for peanuts at the Newspaper?"
"75,000 a year is not peanuts. Besides I work. You play baseball. You don't earn your money."

"Young Lady where did you learn to talk like that?"
"Grandpa"
"She did not learn it from me. I was talking to her aunt"

" I can't believe that you would waste your vote voting third party"
"I can't believe they let you vote".

"Grandpa said the dammit word again"
"Stop cursing Keke"
"Well he did."

[IraqWarVeteran]

It's the sitcom on Sunday night.

[Denizen_Kate]

My family and friends pretty much stick to #4.

[Suff]

"Months spent on the Politix comment threads should have you in mid-season form to win any political fight that crops up over Thanksgiving dinner."

Should be changed to
"Months spent on the Politix comment threads should have you in mid-season to absolutely fail, and stun your elders with your ignorance over a Thanksgiving dinner."

[kirbstomp1]

Im def enjoying number 4 ATM

[SpookyThreeTwo]

My wife hates politics and we don't go anywhere for Thanksgiving. The only fighting that goes on in our house is struggle over who's on top after repeating #4 enough times to get shitfaced drunk after the kids go to sleep ;-)

[marine1]

I carved about 60 lbs of turkey,fed thirty two relitives and told them all,"I Trained Her Well" the fun than began. Gotta go now, got dishes to do.

[Thegrif]

Lol... I know what you mean!!!!

[wild_turkey6]

I started an argument with my brother in law over facial hair. The guy is pretty religious and his teen aged kids play in church league basketball. They were complaining that their coach makes his players be clean shaven. I told my nephews to tell the coach that Jesus had a beard. About 5 minutes into the argument that escalated from facial hair to Obama and America going to hell, my wife looked at me and asked if I was proud of myself. I smiled and said, "Yes. My work is done."

[Thegrif]

Lmao

[tomincali]

tell my brother n law obama is not from africa. he is now a citizen and thinks obama came from africa like him.then again he bashes black Americans for claiming to be african Americans.

[commonsense51]

Thankfully my family is mostly conservative and we agree on most political issue. There are over 100 in our family now and I believe most voted for Romney. It is a sad day when a Socialist is once again elected. The America we knew is no more. We will be another dead Socialist European economy going bankrupt. I can not believe people were stupid enough to vote for this guy. Does anyone understand money and bankruptcy? Are you totally brain dead?

[CivicResolve]

Being a gay woman who is very committed to my partner, bringing up gay marriage to my ridiculously Catholic family might have them try to have me forcibly committed to a mental hospital since they are still of the school of thought that I suffer from a disease and need prayer and shock treatment. Gobble, gobble.

[nolefties]

bring up the fact that communism doesn't work and watch the liberals come unglued?
That always works at my house...

[HankHemp]

Fire all government employees!!! NOW

[1adam2]

well i know, if you talk about gross stuff. there is usually more, for you to eat.