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TROUBLED YOUTHS

'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother,' Mom Writes

Details life with terrifying son

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by David Mark

Editor-in-Chief t

Image: AP.

A mother is recounting in chilling detail frightening experiences with her son, prompted by the CT elementary school massacre. The boy, "Michael," remains undiagnosed, according to "I Am Adam Lanza's Mother," by Liza Long in The Blue Review.

Despite medication the young man continues to exhibit a hair-trigger temper, Long writes. Michael shares characteristics with Sandy Hook Elementary School gunman Lanza and other mass killers. During his unpredictable episodes he makes frightening and violent threats. "I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me," she writes.

The mother's lack of help is typified by her meeting with a social worker who informed her that their best option is to get Michael charged with a crime. "That's the only way you're ever going to get anything done," she's told. "No one will pay attention to you unless you've got charges."

Often the most dangerous young people are among the smartest. "His IQ is off the charts. When he's in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He's in a good mood most of the time. But when he's not, watch out. And it's impossible to predict what will set him off."

Via The Blue Review.

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What should parents do if they think their kids are dangerous to the public?

Comments (view in Forum)

  • Capt_Morgan02
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    @PNWest who's to say she tried? A good gun safe can be had for relatively little cash and he wouldn't get in it without the combination.
  • PNWest
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    @Capt_Morgan02 I don't know if she had them locked up or not. Either way I thought you gun lovers were dead set against being required to have the guns locked up - you know so that when the terrorists invade your home you'll be ready and not have to unlock the safe to protect yourself. By the way, how often do you think that someone successfully defends themselves with a gun as opposed to having someone accidentally (or purposely in this case) shot with a legal firearm?
  • stepped_in_it
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    @PNWest Oh oh oh....let me answer this one. I personally keep a gun in each room and one on each hip! I dedicate one bedroom just for ammo as it was clogging up my kitchen (where I cook my meth). I also keep RPG's in the garage, as cooking meth and RPG's don't mix. What really bugs me is they (the man) wouldn;t let me buy that Sherman tank to rebuild!
    Now, don't you feel better after hearing all that!(tongue being removed from cheek)!
  • View all 60 replies >
  • PNWest
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    That's right. It certainly makes far more sense to fill your house with guns when you know you have a "problem" child like Adam Lanza. We all see how well that worked out now didn't we?
  • Capt_Morgan02
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    @PNWest taking everyone else's guns isn't even a logical approach to solving the problem. Get help for the families and the mentally ill person. It is okay to blame the responsible, you know.
  • marine1
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    Wonder if there was any of that great public assistance involved and how well they paid attention to the needs of this family?
  • kirbstomp1
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    Yea the psychos will just use a bat, a hammer, an axe, a knife, or a crossbow. Guns don't kill people, people kill people.
  • PNWest
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    @Capt_Morgan02 Straw man argument. Who said anything about "taking everyone else's guns"? Getting help for the families and the mentally ill person is a good idea. Seems to me that Obamacare is a step in the right direction in that regard.
  • View all 37 replies >
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    jzbkr
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    I'd say make sure they don't have access to weapons, and be wary of psychoactive drugs. Make your own informed decision after learning about the potential effects of these drugs.
  • u
    jzbkr
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    One more thing might be to get the kid as active as humanly possible. Idle hands may very be more likely to do the devil's work in these cases.
  • u
    Jet_Silverman
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    I'm glad somebody else is talking about these drugs! I think they are a major cause of these rampage killings. Normal childhood restlessness is diagnosed as "ADHD", and kids are given dangerous mood/mind altering drugs as their brains are developing. Bet the studies used to approve these drugs were very short term, and didn't include children. I'd take my kid off of any psychoactive drugs, and get them some real help, if they need it. If they just have trouble sitting still for 6 hours, that's not a medical condition, that's normal.
  • drifter
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    This subject is really the elephant in the room everyone ignores. These psychoactive medicines are a pandora's box, no one can say for sure how they are going to react with each person's body chemistry. As someone who took an antidepressant for a few of my teenage years, I have NO DOUBT that these drugs can cause erratic and abnormal behaviours and thoughts in the patients who take them.
  • VeryLameduck
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    @stepped_in_it be with the Dad...as in his gf and son was jealous...how'd every news station call her a teacher? I'm just sayin at the bottom of this there has to be some connection with the mom and the school, maybe the son was crazy and pissed... I have no idea
  • stepped_in_it
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    @VeryLameduck Mom was a teacher at the school. Guess she didn't make it in because he shot her in the face. Don't know of any other connection other than that.
  • stepped_in_it
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    @VeryLameduck Crazy....yes. Pissed....who cares (except the 20 kids, their family, 6 adults and their family). Otherwise, who cares if someone is pissed or jealous or whatever. Doesn't help the victims!
  • VeryLameduck
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    @stepped_in_it well I'm still thinkin "why". I am not giving being pissed as a reason but I'm just guessing it has to be something that set this guy off...that's the craziest thing about it...why a school of innocent children?
  • View all 12 replies >
  • jamayla
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    I was stalked for almost a year by someone like Adam Lanza. He was kicked out of a local mental health program for violent outbursts. He was arrested for confronting me at my job after a deputy told him to leave me alone. He wanted the restraining order I had on him lifted so he took me to court, but the judge refused and added more restrictions to it. After conferring with this man and his family, the judge warned me about him. He pleaded guilty to the stalking charge mostly because he was caught on camera every time. Probation, no contact order, mandatory mental health attendance. His probation officer called me and in a round-about way also warned me about him. His probation ends this June. I expect to have a handgun of my own by that time.
  • stepped_in_it
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    Best plan I heard. The system is a complete failure! It protects the criminal more than the victim. And they want to control guns. LIBERALS, control your criminals first, then get back to me (and this young lady being stalked)
  • Denizen_Kate
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    Don't wait. Get one now (like your little avatar pic, "Santa please :). Go to a shooting range and get lots of target practice. Learn how your gun works, clean it regularly, learn about the different types of bullets available in that caliber (whatever it is), and target practice some more. Just having one isn't going to be of much use.
  • jamayla
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    @Denizen_Kate In order to get the type of handgun I want, I need a license which I can obtain through the same sheriff's department that helped me through the months after I started filing police reports with them. I need a CPL (concealed pistol license), a CWP (concealed weapons permit), classes, time at the shooting range as well. I'm used to rifles and 12 gauges, not handguns! But I'm quite familiar with guns anyway, I've been around them all my life, and that alone makes me respect the power a single bullet can have.
  • jamayla
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    @stepped_in_it Unfortunately I have to save up the cash for the gun, they're not cheap, but I don't look at it as a frivolous expense, more as an investment. Santa.......are you listening??? While I have the long barrels stacked in the corner in my house, I'm not sure they would bode well laying across the seat of a shopping cart while I'm looking for peanut butter ;o)
  • View all 19 replies >
  • DARSB
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    A shame the money for mental health services isn't there any longer. Could some opponent of "socialized medicine" explain to me again how universal health care is too expensive?
  • stepped_in_it
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    No offense there (and I really like reading your "stuff") BUT (isn't there always a but) how is the mental health services under Canada's "socialized medicine". Now, you brought up this subject, so I wondered if there was a great waiting period for Canada. I'd ask Neo (LOL), but since he hasn't moved there (yet), I thought I'd ask you.
  • DARSB
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    @stepped_in_it My wife has been a mental health administrator for the past couple of decades. She's seen funding for care of the chronically mentally ill shrink dramatically over that time, and the services provided, of course, are reduced as well. That's the largest reason so many homeless people are also mentally ill - there aren't services to keep them on their meds and stable enough to function.(It's also a hugely important factor on the fact that half of people killed by law enforcement every year are mentally ill.)

    Twenty years ago there were far more inpatient beds and staff. A schizophrenic who was decompensating could easily be admitted for a short stay to adjust medications and receive therapy. Today, they have to be judged a danger to themselves or others - and then be involuntarily committed. And that's for adults with known diagnoses.

    From what I know about this sad boy, he never made it into the system, never received even the minimum. A few thousand dollars may have been saved in the short term, but not enough to pay for 20 childrens' coffins.
  • stepped_in_it
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    @DARSB Agreed and your right. Just wondered if Obamacare (socialized meds) would be able to take care of it. And being that Canada has this care (and had it for years), I wondered if they had "lines waiting" for this care. I've heard that their care (Canada's) had "waiting lines" for other extensive care....ie cancer, rare diseases...etc
  • DARSB
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    @stepped_in_it I'm not expert on Canadian healthcare, but I do know Canadians express greater satisfaction with their care than the typical American.
  • PayThatCEO
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    The availability to good mental health in this country and the ability to have a loved one institutionalized is pathetic. Is it any damn wonder we're such a violent hellhole? We'll spend billions and billions of dollars on everything except our own people. Maybe if we weren't so selfish and self-centered we would all live in a less frightening environment because those who need help would get it, and not just a bottle of pills or a couple visits with a shrink depending on how much insurance will pay.
  • DannyT
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    Therapy. Good therapy.

    That's what's needed by most. I know, I've been there. My parents were in this same place, scared of me, deeply concerned with my infatuation with the Columbine shooters and knew I was unpredictable at best with potentially violent outbursts. They tried what they could, with local therapists, but avoided medication.

    Nothing worked, though most of the therapists I saw were terrible (burnt out, apathetic beneath the "professional concern") so they took a drastic step and sent me to wilderness and boarding schools. It worked, brilliantly, but the same issue of local therapists came up through the programs.

    Through those programs, 1 out of the 8 therapists, and maybe 3 of the 60 or so support staff, I encountered seemed to truly care, did all he could to help (at a distance, not carry my emotional distress on his shoulders) and it worked.

    Unfortunately, I was in a position where my claims of the programs not doing too much, when they really didn't, weren't heard by my parents (it's understandable after the years of lies and manipulation I put them through) so there was a lot of wasted time between the instances when it did actually work. It wasn't a huge issue to me, being in the program, but it put strain on my parents financially as these programs are ridiculously expensive. Luckily my mom had sold her house right before the market went to hell, otherwise she'd be in serious debt like my dad is because of it.

    The sad truth, from my experience, is that the people who want to listen just don't know how (the parents) and the people who know how to listen just don't care. These programs took 2 years of my teenage years, I missed out on a lot and lost many friends, but it probably saved my life and possibly the lives of others (I'm not violent by nature and abhor the hurting of others, but I was in a bad place and regret falling into that hole).
  • Vance1
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    "it's impossible to predict what will set him off"

    Sounds alot like Bob Beckle on "The Five" or the Rantings of Ed Shultz on Msnbc.
    Its no wonder liberal democrats are so angry and loud and un ruley.
    They must all suffer from this same thing. and now it seems Parents are “concerned for their safety”. I’m not kidding. and what is now even more unbelievable. Parents are no longer in control of their own normal children.
  • u
    classychazy
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    I read this on facebook and it really upset me. There should be help out there for parents and adolescents alike. I know in my hospital we have 12 beds in a community of 45,000. 99% of the time there are no beds and even if one is avaliable you are likely to be turned away if you don't have insurance. Lack of coverage even if you have coverage is a major problem. When are we as a society are going to acknowledge this is a major problem and take the stigma out of being mentally ill?
  • u
    evelynm1011
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    I say don't have any weapons around that he may get to, get him some good therapy and make sure you participate in his therapy and let him know that you love him and will always be there for him..but if you have someone in the home who is abusing him then that doesn't help neither unless you step and do something..
  • o
    Sonny
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    They should do the following:
    1. Immediately seek a mental examination & evaluation from a qualified professional.
    2. Determine if his/her illness can be controlled or treated with medication and/or other forms of therapy.
    3. If it can not...the parents need to meet with the mental health and hygiene officials in the county in which they live, their health care provider, and the mental health professional who made the diagnosis.
    4. Then a comprehensive plan needs to be formulated that will either start some kind of in patient treatment or housing arrangement, or some way to monitor the progress or treatment, on an on-going basis.
    5. If medication can be used successfully (in lieu of institutionalization) then the home needs to be made into a "safe" environment (make sure that the child has no access to anything that can be used to hurt him self or others).
    6. Steps need to be taken in advance to fill any gaps or voids not covered or filled under the parents private insurance, i.e. medicare, etc...And medications/treatments must be maintained and kept up.
    7. On-going evaluations must be done on set & specific intervals.
    8. If the child's mental condition continues to deteriorate, then steps need to be taken to have them placed in a facility for more intense treatment.
    9. Never wait until there are criminal charges pending before you take positive action.
  • u
    classychazy
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    That would be a great plan! However this type of treatment cost's big time money and most insurance coverage related to mental health is a joke!
  • o
    Sonny
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    @classychazy So true, classy...And that's why parents have to push hard to get help from the state. Even to the point of going to court a or getting a lawyer to help them. Many lawyers offer pro-bono services and this would be a good case where they might be able to help. But the parents should never give up trying, especially if they know they have a "ticking time bomb" under their roof....But you are so right...in our society...it will be a hard fight for the parents to get the help their loved one needs...But it can be done.
  • WMCOL
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    Mother is absolutely right, there is a mental illness problem, not a gun problem.

    But if she had no fear of repercussion from him for her securing the knives why didn't she secure the guns? Leaving guns accessible to someone living with her she knows to be very unstable makes her responsible for death and injury at that school.

    Yes we need to turn the spotlight on mental illness but we also need to exercise more responsible gun ownership and this mother did not.
  • gregorytoye
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    I dont about anyone else i belive in take one to spare the many i have kids and if i thought for a second that my child would go do something like this id swallow my pride as a father and would have them put away no matter what i had to eo to get that done this lady is clearly this kids enabler and if he wasnt an adult she should be in the cell next to him heres an idea lady take care of your freakin responsibility and correct your childs homcidal rage wtf is wrong with people in this world take responsibility for your actions that simple this kids couldnt do this if she would have taken the proper steps but i guess its easier to blame the med companys and doctors he wasnt doped up its there fault
  • tammytadd
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    As a mother with a special needs child I agree that this woman is only agrivating her special needs child and only pushing him closer to the edge. My son constantly tires me and I enjoy my alone time but would not if I knew he was being sent to an abusive father which she admits to being aware of.
    I get frustrated with my child but never do I think of hurting or throttling him or anything along those lines and don't find the humor in even a joke like that.
    The sad thing is I see lots of parents saying 'everyone thinks these things with their kids sometimes.'
    How about the argument that shooting rubber bands across the room is not a behavior even specific to special needs boys but just boys in genreal, LOTS of normal children do this, if something so small and common annoys you then why are you a parent? you need some stress managment skills.
    I agree every parent gets frustrated with their child sometimes but thoughts of hurting people are NOT normal. Neither is letting your son be incarcerated by his father for not cleaning his room.
    Maybe its just a level of patients but there ARE parents and social workers who work with the mentally ill who do not actually think about injuring them. Perhaps if this is these individuals views that thinking that way is normal that need to be a discussion point as well, they as an adult need to re evaluate what they are supporting as normal.
    Granted there are many mentally ill cases where the person is truely a danger to themselves and others, and treatment for them is very limited, but there are millions of people with special needs who function fine day to day in our society. Getting the right treatment, and a patient understanding parent can make a big difference in the life of a child with special needs.

    http://sarahkendzior.com/2012/12/16/want-the-...
  • mimi57
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    It is very hard for the parents and families of the mentally ill. They often are guilt ridden, even if their child has not committed a crime. Just today, I got a call from a guy who is schizophrenic and stabbed himself in the stomach six times resulting in 60 stitches and a possible severed liver. His liver wasn't severed and he is now in a
    locked unit in a nursing facility. His psychosis is obvious in his rapid speech and disoriented conversation. He is
    brilliant, can speak French, and Italian...His mom is a doctor who is now elderly, his father passed away last year,
    he was a defense Lawyer. He has a brother in D.C. and his patience is exhausted. Mental illness is tragic for
    everyone it touches. I can not take guardianship of him, as he needs a staff. He's manipulative, non med compliant, and loves to walk at night. I've known him for years, as I was one of his staff. His mother is broken,
    both physically and emotionally, and as much as I'd like to ease her burden, he needs to be in a locked facility.
    Psychotics have no insight, they rarely will seek help. A person who is acting peculiar needs help now, even
    if he needs to go to an emergency room and then be probated by a judge to be placed in a facility. We have
    ignored the mentally ill for years, and they are proving they will not be ignored any longer. What a sad price to
    pay for allowing them total freedom, in a world they can neither understand or make sense of, any more than we can make sense of these most horrific acts...
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