Take a drink...
* If a GOP lawmaker disses Obama in the handshake line.
* If Pelosi kisses him.
* If the camera pans to Michelle nodding lovingly or Biden grinning toothily.
* If Obama mentions a moving anecdote about a real person he met.
Special Rules - If Obama...
* Says "jobs" or "unemployment," pour 8% of your drink down the toilet.
* Mentions Twitter or Facebook, drunk-text a friend.
* Describes a gun law as "common sense": take a shot (any shot).
* Blames the previous administration, drunk-dial your parents.
* Mentions an executive order, hit yourself with the bottle.
* Says "who you love," roll your eyes cynically and take a sip of neat liquor.
* Mentions health care reform, drink some juice because it's healthier.
* If John Boehner starts weeping, down your drink in sympathy.
* If Ted Nugent heckles the president, finish the bottle.