Months spent on the Politix comment threads should have you in mid-season form to win any political fight that crops up over Thanksgiving dinner. But why leave things to chance? Just follow these simple steps to ensure a horrendous politics-themed shouting match with your loved ones.
1. Start something. Sarcastic references to touchy subjects should kick things off nicely. "I'm thankful for all that free stuff Obama gave me," recommends Slate's John Cook. Or how about wishing your relatives a "Happy Native American Genocide Day," which is guaranteed offend almost everybody.
2. Pivot to the worst topic in the world. Cook suggests Israel, "particularly if you are Jewish or are married to a Jew," or the Clinton impeachment, "a gold mine of long-repressed rage and conflict."
There's also much to be said for accusing your relatives of racism, or reverse racism, for their 2012 presidential vote.
3. Hurl down your silverware and wordlessly quit the table. Ideally you should walk dramatically away over a mortal offense - and not, for instance, a joke about Joe Biden.
4. Drink as much as possible.