Best
136 Comments
Post
  • #113
    !
    If you think about it, angry white women in particular have brought up an entire generation on the "victim" ideology. It goes beyond rape and domestic violence as victims. But those women whom feel that have been wronged in any area of life. Such as a man getting a promotion at work = woman was the victim.

    Of course I am NOT promoting domestic violence but instead pointing out the perceived victim culture in the US.
  • #117
    !
    The questions in the article are not the first ones asked, so there is no presumption by asking them. If the patient answers yes to the first question, which is "Is someone hurting you at home?" then the other questions are asked. They don't ask if they have been a "victim" because most battered people do not classify themselves as victims. "Victim" is what professionals call them. So, it would be a bad question to ask...
  • #6
    !
    No, unless the patient presents as being abused. Women are not always the victims,
    they can now go to combat and it appears they want the same rights as men. Men
    can be victims as well, unless someone reports abuse,then no, they should not be screened. Who pays fot that?
  • #10
    !
    I've never understood why it's socially acceptable for a woman to slap a man but not then other way around. It's domestic violence either way.
  • #14
    !
    @AnnieO I had a girlfriend for nearly a year who beat on me like a red headed stepchild. I never lifted a finger to her. I walked. I wonder now why it took me so long.
  • #16
    !
    @AnnieO Likely the same reason its ok for a woman teacher to have sex with her students and a male teacher that does the same thing is crucified. Because America has double standards, isn't that obvious?
  • #25
    !
    @AlexMIA Yeah. Once I wouldn't let her drive drunk and another time I refused to give her my credit card to gamble with. I was a monster.
  • R Load more replies

  • #4
    !
    another example of the government sticking it's nose where it doesn't belong. i used to actually like Obama, but as time goes on, he seems more and more dictator-like.
  • #3
    !
    What's next? If a doctor feels that a patient is a victim, will he be legally compelled to report it?
    I have known too many couples who were issued restraining orders against each other by the courts, even against the protests of both parties.
  • #127
    !
    If there are children involved and there is violence in the home (even if it isn't directed at the kids) the doctor is required to report it. This why most women lie about their abuse, because they don't want to lose their children.
    Also most abusers will cut them off from family, friends, money, and other resources. So if they need food, diapers, or bus fare they have no other options than to suck it up and take their lumps. 80% of women that become homeless have escaped an abusive relationship. Most shelters for battered women have waiting lists and are mostly occupied by prostitutes that have been beat up by their tricks.
    Unless the doctor can provide help this is just another way for the government to bully women.

    Just some information from someone that's been there.
  • #133
    !
    @Keyjo

    There is one time I will never forget. I was in front of a red brick Woolworth store because I had stopped to look in the window. I didn't realize my husband was following me (he used to time me when I went to the store). I took to long getting home. He had put his hand on my throat and was banging/pushing my head on the wall, his body blocking the view from passerby's so that it looked like we were being intimate. A man coming out of the store with his wife saw what was happening and confronted my husband. The hope, the courage that gave me was the catalyst to my freedom. I know this possibly sounds bad, but I really wish that if a man is caught beating his wife that it would be legal for someone to beat him.
  • #17
    !
    "insult or talk down to you"? THIS is cause for the police and government to get involved? Talking down to someone his HIGHLY subjective. I can't believe this. ABSURD
  • #13
    !
    I think this is what the police department is for. I do not condon domestic abuse at all! But I have met some women who have been victims. So in the spirit of this I have some alternative questions for the doctors to ask.
    1) do you willfully cheat on your partner?
    2) do you constantly lie to your partner?
    3) are you both emotionally and humanly unreliable or unavailable to anyone including your partner?
    4) do you participate in abusive behavior yourself?, be it physical, verbal, or emasculating? In other words you would do anything but back away from the situation including instigating it?
    5) are you typically over the top dramtic, emotional, or bipolor?

    If yes, doctor recomendations are stay out of any relationship until you can seek help for yourself or give the guy a heads up so he knows not to take you seriously.
  • #64
    !
    @AlexMIA We are required by law to ask about it where I work. If we don't and something happens to the patient, we can be held responsible for neglecting this issue if it isn't documented that we addressed it with the patient.
  • #69
    !
    @AnnieO Understood, but if they didn't tell the cops they are not going to tell you. It's typically the way it goes. I responded to fishbone's comment about two in particular. I invite you to read it, tell me what you think of the last one about Eileen Lozano.
  • #73
    !
    @AlexMIA I'll go and look now. And as long as I document well, I am covered. Sounds like someone is trying to pass this whole concept off as if its new but it's not. I've worked in a place where we also ask about their sexual activity. You'd be surprised at how many people over 90 are still active!:)
  • R Load more replies

  • #12
    !
    All patients are already verbally screened for domestic violence. Its a standard question in healthcare now where I work. If they say yes we send them to our social services dept. for proper help and guidance. Why is this even an issue?? It seems to me that the only person who would have a problem with this sort of screening would be the abuser!!
  • #61
    !
    We ask about abuse to all of our patients too. We ask "Has anyone made you feel unsafe?" and similar questions. I don't know why this is an issue either, we have been asking for years.
  • #92
    !
    @VCP Yeah, or someone wants credit for a policy that's already in effect. Surely people don't think this is a new issue.
  • #82
    !
    All states have mandatory reporting laws. Whether law enforcement does something about the reports is a separate issue.
  • #91
    !
    @Clarke12 There are already national reporting requirements.(In fact it's pretty darn amazing how much data is stored on government servers.)

    But as for a "national program," I didn't see mention of that in the article.
  • #93
    !
    @DARSB Yeah, I have heard about the storage from a few buddies. Just like to see how folks think in terms of fed vs state. thanks for getting back!
  • #134
    !
    Agree. Not to mention that, unless seen objectively, there is physical violence (i.e.- a woman seen hitting a man, because the gal had a bad day) by a secondsary party, it can make a big guy "seem" wimpish & simply to suffer in their own fashion. Then again, if seen by another, it can turn the tables on the female abuser & give the male the "umpf" to say "one more time" & leave.
  • #90
    !
    Domestic Violence? Say what!! Women can now serve in combat, They need to now take care of them selves, They are adults now. Men get beat on and pushed around by women and they dont go cry to government.
  • #55
    !
    Yes, women should be screened because they commit a lot of violence against men, and usually get away with it.
  • #50
    !
    All women? That's a pretty slippery slope. What's next, screening patients for drugs and alcohol? If the doctor suspects and wishes to inquire further, that's one thing, but it should be left up to the doctor's discretion....
  • #46
    !
    More nanny state nonsense. We already have social workers looking for child abuse where none exists. The state put my nephew and his sons through hell when an ex girlfriend acused him of sexually abusing one of his sons. It was motivated by pure spite and cost him thousands of dollars. As for "talking down" to someone, I'd like to report some people right here on this forum.
  • #30
    !
    Most healthcare professionals will gently ask if they see something amiss when examining a patient. Most victims will deny any abuse. It takes a caring individual and a little luck to get victims to vocalize any abuse. I do not feel that ALL women should be screened, but if a red flag pops up, the doctor or nurse should be encouraged to follow up on suspicions.
  • #27
    !
    I can say from working with Doctors everyday, that it is frustrating for them to see situations they could easily help with and have their hands bound by societal boundaries.
    Don't tell a patient they are fat and to lose weight or they could die! You might offend them!
    Don't tell them their big ass is why their knee's gave out and they need new ones, you might offend them!
    Don't tell some asshat to stop knocking his wife around the house for sport! You might offend them!
    One of the greatest days of my life was when I was in the military. We get this little girl who is bruised beyond normal, and her femur was broken in two like a twig. The doctor, a big bald guy with a loud voice and muscles on top of his muscles does the case, fixes her leg, then he breaks scrub and glances around the room. He told us all goodbye and that he loved working with each of us and then walked out of the room. I later found out he walked into the waiting room, went up to the father and knocked him so hard in the face he broke his jaw.
    The Dr. was given a court martial and got off with minor fees and penalties. They didn't kick him out and just sent him to another base. That man is a hero in my book and will remain so till I die. I salute you sir, wherever you are nowadays.
  • #23
    !
    Those questions are terrible.
    Dr: "How often has your partner physically hurt you?"
    Woman: Excuse me?! My partner has never physically hurt me what kind of questions are these?
    And why are we limiting this to partners? People don't have to have a sexual relationship for it to be abusive. The doctor should simply ask Is there anyone in your daily life that physically hurts you?
    And seriously screaming, cursing? Most often that's between the partners not one-directional. If it is one-directional leave them, they're a jerk but calling it "Domestic violence" takes away from the suffering of real domestic violence victims.
  • #33
    !
    @AlexMIA I'm being quite serious. I work in medicine and see this stuff on a daily basis. It doesn't mean I enjoy it. That would make me a Sadist, and I'm not.
  • #57
    !
    @Fishbone345 Not implying either of us are sadist! But I wouldn't bring out the violin without knowing the whole story and even then I probably wouldn't tune it. I had a childhood friend who was beat up by her husband and court ordered to stay away from each other for a year. She had pics and reports and everything. She was trying to get by with her 4 kids alone. Mentioned she wasn't going to make it the month of December, I lent her $1200 to cover expenses and maybe get some christmas gifts. She moved once the court order was lifted back with hubby and has made no attemp to pay me back. Husband threatened to beat me up, damn shame he wouldn't come through, no matter how much I coaxed he never surfaced. I can't find them, for now.
  • #67
    !
    @Fishbone345 Look up if you like Eileen Lozano from miami. It was in the news. I grew up with this girl since I was 10. So my heart bled a little when her husband stabbed her to death with daughter in house and then barracaded himself. But friend or not once you find out that the domestic violence had happened so many times before, that the guy had kidnapped her and the kids in the past, that her parents got them back together, that she stayed with him continuing to put herself and the kids in danger. It doesn't take long for your opinion of her and her family to get very low and for sympathy to stop. And we grew up playing together. She is not the one that owes me money either.
  • #78
    !
    @AlexMIA I see your point. The bad part is that usually these people are brainwashed by their abuser or threatened by them. I personally was a victim of domestic violence. He was 6'4" and a lot stronger than me. My husband, who I had been in an on/off again relationship since we were 16 years old, came home from Iraq and got me out of there. I had never cheated on my abuser or treated him badly and never hit him back because I knew he would kill me. He choked me to the point of blacking out a few times. He had abused another girlfriend in his past that I didn't know about when I met him. He threatened to kill my family and to burn my house down or my parents' house. He was so manipulative that to this day, people believe he is the nicest guy you'd ever meet. But behind closed doors and with a few beers, he was a different person. However, once I got out, I stayed out, unlike Ms. Lozano. And my husband bought me my first handgun. I called my abuser one more time after I left and told him I wasn't scared of him anymore. I finally married the man that I should have been with all along. I'm just glad I never married my abuser. I agree with you to an extent. Women just have to see that there are options because sometimes they don't know. This lady seemed like her family wanted her to be with her abuser. Perhaps that played a part? I don't know. Having a child with her abuser also probably made her feel like she should be with him but on the other had, her first instinct should have been to protect the child and stay away from him. There is no telling what that child saw throughout her life.
    Sorry for the personal info, just sharing my story because it applies here.
  • R Load more replies

  • #11
    !
    And if a woman is discovered to have been abused then what? 80% of women who become homeless have escaped an abusive relationship, exactly where are they supposed to go, and what do they propose to do about it?
  • #18
    !
    that is a good question. there is alot of this crap going on and all the shelters in my area are full and always in need of more space.

    this may turn out to be a good thing if these folks have no other way to get alone to talk to someone about it.not everyone has family to run to and stick it out and end up dead.
  • #21
    !
    @tomincali

    I agree, I just don't think they should get involved unless they have some kind of plan. I can say from experience that they will make things worse if they have no way to help. Most abused women are cut off from family, money, and resources. Sometimes a few bruises are less scary that trying to live in your car with your children.....if you have a car.
  • #31
    !
    I agree, to a point. However, many women will return again and again to the same abuser. I have seen it so many times. Women/ girls who take the first slap, or insult
    and do not get out, will probably continue to go back. We have police and Courts for
    domestic abuse. I just don't think a 'screening' is needed or helpful. I find it to be very
    intrusive, and the last thing we need now is more intrusion. All victims of abuse need
    counseling and need to learn how to be independent, find self worth and move on to
    a better life, whether it's a woman or a man.
  • #58
    !
    @mimi57

    From my own experience.
    I was married to native Muslim born in Abbadon, Iran. In their culture it is permitted for men to beat their wives. Having been raised in the foster care system myself I had no family to turn to. With two young sons, the youngest 11 months old, I had no place to go. I had showed up at the emergency room one too many times and the doctor wasn't buying my story of having fell on the top of my head hard enough to cause a concussion without sustaining neck or back injuries, lol.
    The doctor calling the police possibly saved my life. But then again living in my car with my kids.....I almost had them taken from me.
    They tried to take me to a shelter for battered women but I was shortly kicked out because
    "We are not equipped to deal with children with disabilities" (my eldest, 4 years old at the time, had autism). I became homeless with my children. I begged for food and diapers in front of a grocery store and slept in my broken down car. Is it better to tolerate a beating or to risk losing your children?
  • #62
    !
    @hwyangel So sorry to hear that, trust me I know how it is...I was also married to an
    abuser. He was great until he drank and then it got bad. Like you I had kids, three boys. I could tell you my injuries but they are too numerous, and the reason I stayed
    was because he had money. It took awhile, 12 years for me to see he/ we would not
    get any better. I managed to go back to school, I got a degree in Social work and was
    able to get alimony for a year and it was long enough for me to get my independence. I remarried a year later to a great guy, who has never even called me a name...even when I called him any name I could. It can be done, it's never easy.
    You should be so proud of yourself. I know what you do for a living and that's a hard
    job. Kudos to you and your children. Personally though, for me, I want less gov. intervention, they have too much control now, just my opinion.(:
  • R Load more replies

  • #132
    !
    maybe one of the questions could be: "what do you do when you are told to shut your mouth"?
    a- keep yapping and take a punch
    b- quiet down and play it safe
    either way it is up to her which way it plays out.
  • #131
    !
    No! Not if they don't openly offer that type of information willingly to be helped and taken out of a life threatening relationship
  • R Load more comments...
Post